Confession

So remember the relationship that I mentioned "broke" me during the in-between time?

Well, I happen to be in contact with someone who resembles the guy from that relationship so VERY well, it's scary. The voice. The hand gestures. The laugh. Even the god d*** smile.

This new person is nice. Not someone to hold this against. But anytime I manage to spend more than a few minutes of time with them, I am left spend about 2 hours full of inner rage against the ORIGINAL. The one who destroyed me. No, he didn't hurt. I would never let him HURT me. No, he just screw with me and my mind and all that I thought I knew about everything. And then left me floating on a river of uncertainty, where I let myself be led down the current to places I shouldn't have gone.

You can defend him and say that it's not HIS fault and I should have controlled things better, but this bastard used me and dumped me over the phone on my birthday people. And he was out of college when this occured, so don't go sticking up for him!

Anyway, those 2 hours of rage are pretty extreme, and let me know that maybe we never fully get over those guys that screw us over. I have a friend who recently got screwed over by someone and I warned about this side effect that I am living with.

On the flip side, I ran into him at a wedding of a mutual friend recently and had the DISTINCT pleasure of giving him the complete cold shoulder and being able to show him how completely happy I was (I was attending with the man who would be my fiance within 2 months) while he had no date at all. It really felt wonderful. However, I still have to live with the relapse of hatred and anger anytime I spend too much time with his doppelganger.

And that is my confession. My . . . hmm . . . third glass of whiskey is empty. And I don't think it will be refilled now. So no more confessions tonight.